The Heart of Connection: Love as an Active Decision
“Love is not just a feeling; it is the conscious choice to show up, to invest, and to nurture the connections that shape our lives.”
When working with teenagers and young adults, the topic of love is often at the forefront of their minds. Love plays a powerful role in shaping our experiences, identities, and understanding of others. Whether romantic or platonic, the impact of love is undeniable—it influences how we relate to ourselves and those around us.
While love can feel incredibly complex, I often discuss with my clients what I believe lies at the core of love: it is a choice. Love is not simply an emotion that happens to us, but an active decision we make again and again to show up for someone. It’s demonstrated through actions and consistent effort.
A mother shows love to her child by reading a bedtime story every night, creating a moment of connection and care. Friends express love by being there for one another, offering support, and listening when it’s needed most. In both cases, love is a conscious decision to prioritize the relationship, invest in it, and nurture it over time. It’s not always grand gestures, but the small, everyday acts that show we care.
Love also requires vulnerability and connection. It involves sharing the parts of ourselves we often keep hidden—the fears, insecurities, or dreams we might otherwise keep to ourselves for fear of judgment or rejection. In love, whether with a close friend, partner, or family member, we take the risk to be seen as we truly are. This kind of openness fosters a deeper bond and strengthens the relationship.
When someone actively chooses love in a relationship, they recognize that the other person’s needs and feelings are just as important as their own. It’s not about losing oneself in the relationship, but about creating a balance where both people feel valued and cared for. Love doesn’t have to be entirely selfless, but it should be thoughtful and empathetic. It’s about making choices that reflect care, understanding, and a willingness to grow together.
In therapy, we explore the importance of making these choices in love—whether it's in friendships, family dynamics, or romantic relationships. Choosing love means being intentional with our actions, acknowledging the role we play in another person’s life, and recognizing that love is built on the decisions we make each day to prioritize connection, empathy, and understanding.
Ultimately, love is not something that just happens; it’s something we cultivate through our choices and actions. By acknowledging that love is an active, ongoing decision, we can create deeper, more fulfilling relationships that enhance our sense of connection and belonging.