Reframing Expectations: Building Resilience in Today’s Teens

“In the face of adversity, it’s not what happens to us that defines our journey, but how we choose to respond that shapes our path to resilience.”

The struggles that teens face today, both pre- and post-pandemic, are not vastly different—emotion regulation, self-esteem, family conflict, stress, depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive behaviors are still the primary issues I work with in my practice. However, many of these challenges escalated significantly during the pandemic. The sudden loss of social support, a break in routine, and a heightened sense of uncertainty left teens feeling isolated and out of control. These factors compounded existing mental health struggles, making it more difficult for many teens to cope.

The lack of structure during lockdowns, combined with the discrepancy between expectations and reality, was a major issue. Many teens finishing high school, for example, faced profound disappointment when traditional milestones like senior prom and graduation were canceled. These experiences, which they had been looking forward to for years, were suddenly taken away, leaving a sense of loss and unfairness. For many, it felt like they were cheated out of crucial moments that were supposed to define their high school experience.

In response to these feelings, much of my work during this time focused on empathy and helping teens accept the reality of the situation. I often found myself guiding them through a process of pivoting—encouraging them to let go of what "should have been" and to embrace what was within their control. Fighting reality only deepens feelings of frustration and helplessness, keeping them trapped in a victim mindset. I worked with teens to help them step into their own personal power, reminding them that while they couldn't control the events around them, they could control how they responded.

This shift in perspective was crucial. Teens who embraced this approach often found themselves growing in the face of adversity. They learned how to adapt, reframe their expectations, and make the best of an uncontrollable situation. On the other hand, those who struggled to accept reality—who continued to fight against "what is" in favor of "what should be"—often found themselves stuck, unable to move forward.

Through this process, I witnessed many teens develop resilience. They learned to cope with disappointment, adapt to change, and find strength in themselves. This ability to accept reality and adjust their expectations is a powerful life skill—one that will serve them long after the pandemic is a distant memory. By focusing on what they can control, teens can step out of a powerless state and begin to shape their own experiences, even in difficult circumstances.